So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
