Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
