Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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