So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
