What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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