i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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