So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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