Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
