How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
