I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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