I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
