he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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