My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
