i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
