It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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