I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
