the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
