thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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