Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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