Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
