I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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