Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They took my balls.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
