atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
