Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
