a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
