btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
