He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
