there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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