Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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