I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
