If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
