I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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