I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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