Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
