I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
