I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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