he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
