I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
