I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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