Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
