i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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