I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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