Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
