This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
