I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
is wine microwaveable?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
