He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
