Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
