Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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