Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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