I don't usually arrange sex via text message
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
