bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
