I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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