Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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