I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
