Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
